Ever heard the one about the policeman and the drunk?
A policeman sees a drunk man searching for something under a streetlight and asks what the drunk has lost. He says he lost his keys, and they both look under the streetlight together.
After a few minutes, the policeman asks if he is sure he lost them here, and the drunk replies, no, and that he lost them two blocks down the street.
Confused, the policeman asks why he is searching here, and the drunk replies, “this is where the light is.” [1]
This anecdote, also known as the drunkard’s search principle, describes our tendency to only search for something where it is easiest to look. No truer is this than when we search for reasons for our shortcomings.
We blame our parents for a string of dysfunctional relationships. Our friends for taking advantage of our kindness. Our spouse for their lack of support.
The truth, though, is if we want to live a good life, we need to take 100 percent responsibility for everything we experience in our lives. Mark Manson, author of The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck, calls this the prime belief.
“The more we choose to accept responsibility in our lives, the more power we will exercise over our lives,” writes Manson. “Accepting responsibility for our problems is thus the first step to solving them.” [2]
When we take 100 percent responsibility, we exercise our right over the things over which we have full control: our responses. We regain full control of our lives and remind ourselves that it is us, not external circumstances, that determines the outcomes in our lives.
Footnotes
[1] I want to acknowledge Jack Canfield for introducing me to the drunkard’s search principle in his book, The Success Principles. Canfield shares additional resources on how to take 100 percent responsible which I recommend highly.
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