We all experience daily stressors. Deadlines to meet. Responsibilities to honor. Errands to run. But research has found four ways to respond to stress more effectively.
Let’s look at each in turn.
The Four A’s of Stress Management
1. Avoid
We can’t control what happens to us. But we can control our response to what happens. As such, our response can sometimes be as simple as taking control of our environment and avoiding people who trigger us.
If sitting in rush hour traffic stresses you out, take the bus to work instead. If a coworker annoys you, put physical distance between you. If that’s not an option, set clear boundaries for what is and is not acceptable.
“You are not running away from obligations or denying genuine problems,” writes Nick Trenton writes in Stop Overthinking. “You are simply learning to say ‘no’ to stress that is unnecessary and harmful.”
2. Alter
For situations we can’t avoid but can control, we can alter stressful situations by asking others to change their behavior and being honest with ourselves about what isn’t working.
Returning to the above example, ask your coworker to change their behavior if you can’t avoid them. Oftentimes, mismanaged expectations are the most common cause of workplace conflicts.
Altering our relationship with our environment can help relieve stressors too. If going to the grocery store stresses you out, try going when it’s quieter, or combine it with an activity you enjoy, like listening to an audiobook.
3. Accept
Sometimes we have no choice but to accept things the way they are. But acceptance isn’t ignoring or repressing how we feel. Rather, acceptance is about acknowledging that it’s okay to feel the way we do about a situation.
While we might not be able to change the events that transpire, we can reach a place of acceptance by following several research-backed practices, including (but not limited to):
- Talking with others about how we feel;
- Forgiving those who wronged us; and
- Learning from our mistakes.
We don’t have to like what happens to us. Nor do we have to downplay the severity of our more challenging hardships. But we can come to terms with what we can’t change so we can focus on what we can.
4. Adapt
Everyday stressors are a normal part of life. But to learn how to deal with major stressors, long-term, we need to adapt. To do that, we need to raise our standards and lower our expectations. [1]
If you’re a people-pleaser, you might want to work on becoming the type of person who says no to anything that doesn’t align with what’s most important to you. [2]
If you’re a perfectionist, you might want to work on lowering your expectations for what’s good enough to avoid unnecessary anxiety. You decide, after all, what’s good enough. [3]
Adapting to stress means we change ourselves to better cope with what comes our way, making us more resilient and better equipped to deal with the everyday stressors of life.
Conclusion
The four A’s of stress management will help you navigate the most challenging situations. Going through each step will help you reduce the stressors in your life or increase your ability to cope, or both.
Footnotes
[1] Tony Robbins discusses raising standards in his book, Awaken the Giant Within.
[2] James Clear discusses the importance of upgrading and expanding your identity in Atomic Habits.
[3] One of my favorite ways to lower my expectations is focusing on the Gain, which Dr. Benjamin Hardy discussed in his book, The Gap and The Gain.
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