We can’t avoid disagreements with our colleagues. Conflict, after all, is an inevitable part of working together.
But we can learn to address disagreements when they arise to prevent them from getting out of control.
In her book, Powerful Phrases for Dealing with Difficult People, Renee Evenson introduces The 5-Step Conflict Resolution Process to help people do that more easily.
Let’s discuss each step in turn.
Step 1. Think First
Thinking about a conflict between you and a colleague is vital in helping you look at issues more objectively.
Evenson writes, “When you keep objectivity, you can explore other perspectives, which may even change your own.”
By looking at the situation from all angles, you stay focused on the issue rather than the person and gain an understanding of the person’s intentions.
However, taking the time to calm down and think will put you in a better position to effectively discuss the problem.
Step 2. Gain a Better Understanding
After looking at the situation from the other person’s perspective, you might better understand what caused the conflict and realize it’s not a problem for you at all.
If not, you need to talk with the other person to learn what caused the conflict.
The source of most conflict?
— Sam Thomas Davies (@SamThomasDavies) October 25, 2022
False assumptions about a person’s intentions.
You’re not a mind reader.
Ask questions to clarify.
To do that, invite the person to tell their version of the story and encourage them to use “I phrases” to keep the discussion nonjudgemental.
If the person becomes defensive, listen carefully to the underlying message and let the person vent without interrupting.
If the person becomes upset or starts losing control, Evenson suggests acknowledging them, offering assurance, and deferring any discussion until the person has had time to cool down.
When it’s your turn to respond, be patient, calm, and control your emotions.
Step 3. Define the Problem
Once you better understand the conflict, you can define the problem by assertively stating how you view the issue.
Evenson writes that defining the problem involves saying, “This is how I see it…” and then allowing others to express how they see it.
Acknowledging everyone’s viewpoint clears up any confusion and ensures that the other person has had the chance to express and agree on the definition of the problem.
Defining the problem is necessary before you can find an agreeable solution and move forward with the next step.
Step 4. Offer Your Best Solution
You’ve thought about the conflict from several perspectives. You understand the other person’s intent and have defined the problem clearly.
The next step is to offer a solution and invite the other person to agree or offer an alternative.
It’s vital to remember conflict resolution isn’t about button pushing or deciding who’s right or wrong.
Instead, it’s about finding a solution everyone can agree to.
If the other person doesn’t agree with your solution, and you can’t agree on an alternative, try finding common ground by looking for the things you can agree on.
Comprising will help you negotiate an agreeable end result.
Step 5. Agree on the Resolution
No two conflicts are like the other.
You might resolve many by understanding the other person’s perspective, reaching a compromise, or realigning mismanaged expectations.
Other conflicts may involve more than one meeting to agree about an issue depending on the problem and willingness of the person involved.
In some situations, however, the other person may not be willing to compromise or agree to a solution.
In those instances, you may need to reach an agreement by having one person, like a manager, make the call.
You may have to compromise more to reach a workable solution, but your openness and flexibility in finding that solution will strengthen relationships moving forward.
Conclusion
Conflict is a natural component of any working relationship. But we can stop conflicts from escalating if we learn to resolve them effectively.
By viewing conflict as an opportunity to grow, we can strengthen relationships with others and pave the way for better communication moving forward.
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