How to Break Bad Habits by Surfing The Urge

We all have bad habits we want to break.

We want quit smoking, nail biting, binge eating, spending, etc.

If we want to break a bad habit in the long-term, we need to understand how habits work.

Here’s what we know:

Most habits are triggered by cues. A cue can be a time of day, a location, an emotional state, other people or an immediately preceding action. Then, you’re rewarded for responding to that cue.

When breaking bad habits, many of us have been advised to replace the routine in “The Habit Loop”, to get accountable, or to change our environment…

… but this doesn’t always work, does it?

Maybe you’ve tried eating a handful of nuts instead of a candy bar – only to find your craving for sugar intensify. Or maybe you’ve tried making it hard for yourself to do the thing you didn’t want to do – only to go out of your way and do it anyway.

I know, because I’ve been there myself.

Here’s a realization I had recently:

The cue doesn’t trigger the habit; it triggers the urge to do it.

If you bite your fingernails when you’re bored (emotional state), you don’t bite your fingernails automatically, you have a choice. You feel an urge and then you choose to do it.

Between the trigger and the habit, then, is a space. And in that space lies an urge … and an opportunity to choose how to respond.

Here’s what I’m proposing: forget breaking bad habits; instead, manage your urges to do them.

Why? Because if you can manage your urges, you can sidestep bad habits entirely.

To do this, you need to learn how to surf them.

Let’s look at how we can do that.

Surfing The Urge

“Urge Surfing” or “Surfing The Urge” is a mindfulness-based technique I learned from Kelly McGonigal in her wonderful book, The Willpower Instinct.

To surf the urge, you must pay close attention to the urge without trying to change it or get rid of it.

Instead of distracting yourself from the urge or hoping it will go away, get a good look at it.

Ask yourself:

• What does the urge feel like?
• What thoughts are going through my mind?
• What does the urge feel like in my body?
• Do I feel tension in my throat or my stomach?

Stay with the sensations for at least one minute and if you give in, forgive yourself. This is a skill and requires a lot of practice.

There’s one thing that’s important to remember about urges: whether you choose to give into them or not, they always pass eventually.

Don’t fight the urge to do a bad habit; ride it.