It’s happened to me.
And if you’re reading this, chances are it’s happened to you, too.
You’re socializing with new friends…
You find yourself at the center of the conversation…
A feeling of embarrassment, discomfort or confusion sinks in…
…and you become giddy with nervous laughter.
If the above sounds familiar, don’t worry—you’re not alone.
I struggled with nervous laughter for years.
It didn’t matter whether I was presenting to my class, meeting new work colleagues, or asking a girl out … I always laughed nervously the moment I felt anxious.
So, one day, I decided to do something about it.
Today, I can sit comfortably in silence, hold the attention of a room when presenting, and express myself confidently without fear of judgment from others…
And today, I want to show you how you can, too.
In this article, I’ll show you what nervous laughter is, why we experience it and more importantly, how to eliminate it so you never have to feel embarrassed in company again.
Let’s get started.
What is Nervous Laughter?
Nervous laughter isn’t really laughter at all. It isn’t an expression of amusement or a conscious effort to be polite. Rather, it’s a physical reaction to stress, tension, confusion, or anxiety.
According to neuroscientist Vilayanur S. Ramachandran,
We have nervous laughter because we want to make ourselves think what horrible thing we encountered isn’t really as horrible as it appears, something we want to believe.
Nowhere is this more common than in social situations.
If you’re on a date, for example, and the conversation drops, you might need to “fill” the silence by chuckling—even if there’s no reason to. Or, you might mishear a question your date asks and smile nervously rather than ask them to repeat themselves because you’re too shy or bashful.
Do this often enough, and over time, it becomes a habit.
And once it becomes a habit, it becomes more difficult to break…
…unless you have the right tools in your toolbox.
The Most Important Framework You’ll Ever Learn
In 2012, Charles Duhigg published his New York Times’ bestselling book, The Power of Habit.
In it, he introduced a simple three-step framework for understanding how habits work called “the habit loop”:
Here’s how Duhigg explains the habit loop:
First, there’s a cue, a trigger that tells your brain to go into automatic mode and which habit to use. Then there is the routine, which can be physical or mental or emotional. Finally, there is a reward, which helps your brain figure out if [a] particular loop is worth remembering for the future. [1]
If we were to apply the habit loop to our previous dating example, it might look like the following:
Your date asks you a question but you mishear them (cue), you laugh nervously as you’re too shy to ask them to repeat themselves (routine), and you experience a momentary release in awkward tension (reward).
If you’ve ever laughed nervously (like in the above example), you’ve probably found it tightened you up further rather than relax you (which, of course, defies the point of laughing, to begin with).
It’s important to mention here when a habit emerges the brain stops fully participating in decision-making.
In other words, it becomes an automatic reaction.
This is why it’s so hard to control nervous laughter.
You want to replace it with a better, more empowering behavior (like taking a moment to compose yourself), but your brain is conditioned to do what it’s always done.
However, that doesn’t mean you can’t change.
“Simply understanding how habits work—learning the structure of the habit loop—makes them easier to control,” Duhigg writes. “Once you break a habit into its components, you can fiddle with the gears.”
Let’s discuss how to do that.
How to Control Nervous Laughter (in 4 Simple Steps)
Eliminating nervous laughter isn’t necessarily easy. And it isn’t always quick. But it is possible when you commit to change and apply the following four-step framework:
- Identify the routine
- Experiment with rewards
- Isolate the cue
- Have a plan
Let’s discuss each in detail.
1. Identify the Routine
The routine is the most obvious component:
The behavior you want to change.
In our example, it’s nervous laughter.
But identifying the routine isn’t always enough.
Why?
Because most people aren’t aware they laugh nervously, to begin with.
And those who are, choose to shy away from it.
I know this better than anyone. I was in denial for years, but it wasn’t until I became interested in personal development and asked a friend to point out my annoying habits, did I become aware of how annoying my nervous laughter really was.
The truth is, you can’t change what you’re not aware of. Only when you’re aware of the behavior you want to change (routine), can you replace your nervous laughter with a more empowering habit.
Granted, it might be uncomfortable, but I invite you to ask a trusted friend or family member to be completely honest and upfront with you, so you know exactly what behavior you need to improve.
2. Experiment with Rewards
We’re often unconscious of the rewards that drive our behaviors.
And nervous laughter is no exception.
To figure out which rewards are driving your nervous laughter, it’s useful to experiment with different rewards.
This might take a few days, or a week, or longer.
“During that period,” “Duhigg advises, “it’s important you shouldn’t feel any pressure to make a real change—think of yourself as a scientist in the data collection phase.”
To put it another way, treat failure like a scientist and iterate with each new “experiment.”
If, for example, you feel the need to laugh nervously when you encounter an awkward situation, smile and nod, instead. Or, if you mishear a college and are too shy to ask them to repeat themselves, say, “I’m sorry, I didn’t catch that. Can you repeat that?”
The goal, remember, isn’t to replace your nervous laughter (not yet, anyway); it’s to experiment with different routines until you identify one that’s driving the behavior.
By experimenting with different rewards, you can isolate what you are actually craving and re-engineer the habit.
3. Isolate the Cue
According to research by the University of Western Ontario (summarized in Duhigg’s book), almost all habitual cues fit into one of five categories:
- Location
- Time
- Emotional State
- Other people
- Immediately preceding action
So, if you’re trying to figure out the cue for nervous laughter, you might answer the following five questions the moment the urge hits:
- Where am I?
- What time is it?
- What’s my emotional state?
- Who else is around?
- What action preceded the urge?
After a few instances, it will become clear which cue is triggering your nervous laughter (for me, it was an immediately preceding action such as getting called on in class).
4. Have a plan
Once you’ve figured out your habit loop—you’ve identified the reward driving the routine and the cue triggering it—you can begin to replace the behavior.
You can switch the behavior with a more empowering routine by planning for the cue and choosing a behavior that delivers the reward you’re craving.
In my experience, the most effective way to do that is to have what psychologists call an “implementation intention.”
According to Peter Gollwitzer, who introduced the concept, “Implementation intentions are if-then plans that spell out in advance how one wants to strive for a set goal.”
In other words, if you anticipate an obstacle (like nervous laughter) and link it to a goal-directed response (like counting your breath), you’re likely to enhance the rate of attaining your goal.
If, after experimenting, you discovered your cue was a particular person (other people) and counting to three internally is equally relieving in tension as nervous laughter, you might write, “If my manager asks me a question and I mishear them, then I will count to three and ask him to repeat himself.”
Writing down your implementation intention and reminding yourself of it before the cue is likely to occur will accelerate your learning curve and help cement the new habit.
Over to You
Overcoming nervous laughter doesn’t happen overnight.
I experimented with a new routine before replacing my nervous laughter with a more empowering habit.
No two people are alike. You might be able to do it sooner.
How long will it take you?
That I don’t know.
But what I do know, is if you commit to change and follow the framework, you’ll become the confident person you always knew you could be.
How have you tried to rid yourself of inappropriate nervous laughter? Leave a comment below.
The men in my mother’s family do a laugh which I never characterized as “nervous”. In my perception of their use, it is a deep “Heh Heh” which they somehow integrate into their statements. I always saw it as a part of their gift of interpersonal persuasion. A subliminal message that I always found pleasant. They were all famously successful in their fields of sales, law and management. My wife insists I do a laugh also, constantly. I am totally unaware of it. She describes mine as a high pitched giggle following every statement. If I am doing it, I would like to do it in a way that makes me as charismatic as my relatives. Currently, my wife finds it annoying. Best regards, Steve Bastedo
Thanks for reading Steve. Hope the article helped.
Hi. I am currently in the middle of my secondary education. I feel that i may nervous laugh. I constantly get high stress levels with school work and become anxious . Sometimes I feel that i need to contribute to a conversation during a silence. However i never know what i should say and blurt out ridiculous sentences. Then i would suddenly start laughing in an out of control manner. My throat would start hurting and I would find it difficult to breath. The laugh itself is very unnatural. I find it difficult to stop. I do get self concious sometimes and my friends react unnervingly. I also find it extremely hard to talk to the opposite sex. Do you think i nervous laugh?
It is possible David. I recommend you learn how to meditate. This will help quiet your mind. Send me an email and I’ll follow up with you.
A few decades ago, when I was experimenting with computers, I often had issues with my desktop as it would often shut down or freeze without warning. This was extremely annoying and when I contacted IT “professional”, they would all come up with theories as to what was the real problem behind this. Some would say it was because of the process, I should change my pattern and follow a new pattern when using the computer. Others would say, I should meditate about my use of computer and it would miraculously resolve the problem. I now understand that the problem was not psychological but neurological. There was a bug with the hardware/software and little could I do without addressing this bug.
Charlatans who are practicing psychology are indeed not addressing the real issue with problem laughing which is neurological and are in fact exploiting the knowledge gap with ineffective “tricks” until some neurologists will bother researching the topic. The real problem is that most people and even neurologists associate laughter with the positive aspects of it, such as releasing stress and bonding when appropriate. Inappropriate laughter is rarely investigated and the incredibly negative consequences of it, such as inability to build trust with others, are just ignored.
Thanks for discussing the issue Sam, but I guess that time will prove you wrong and you will realize that your understanding of the profound causes of nervous laughter are neurological first and should only be addressed at the neurological level.
Thanks for your insight.
I just nervous laughed at your super unecessariky aggressive comment. And genuinely giggled at Sam’s super gracious response. Hahaha.
Appreciate the article tho Sam.
Thanks for reading 🙂
I tend to nervous laugh when I have just finished making a statement or are commenting on something. It’s not an out of control laugh, more like a nervous giggle and I notice it while I’m doing it- It is very frustrating and unbelievably hard to stop!
I agree, Donna. I hope the post helped.
I have the same problem and I think I’ve been doing it for years, which has prevented me from making strong impressions and even some friends that I could have had! It’s incredibly annoying, even to myself, and stems from anxiety in social situations and a need to fill silences — which I’ve realised don’t need to be filled.
What helps me sometimes is thinking that the person with whom I’m interacting is also somewhat nervous, but just expresses it differently or keeps it inside. This can give me the confidence to control my outward expression of social anxiety and focus on the conversation we’re having instead 🙂 It’s a work in progress for sure, and lots of times I still fail and beat myself up for it.
I’m going to try to be more aware and use your suggested techniques to control the habit. Thanks for relating and for the helpful article, Sam!
Thanks, Crystal. Glad you found it useful.
I have a stupid smile! Eveytime someone is talking to me, no matter how serious the subject, I have a huge grin on my face. this is getting me down now because my loved ones are finding it difficult to talk to me about anything serious! I can not stand this behaviour of mine. I haven’t been to the cinema for 17 years because as soon as the film starts I go into a uncontrollable fit of laughter. I will definitely try these methods and hopefully will improve.
I hope it helps Lenny. Let me know how you get on.
hello i came here and the reason i came here is well because of really bad case of nervous laughter. i have a doc app. coming up and we are going to b e talking about some serious stuff that i tend to get nervous talking about and when i get nervous like this i tend to laugh from realy bad anxiety and get sick to my stomach eazily i really dont like this and id love so me help or advice.
I get nervous many times in front of many of my very close and intimate friends and as a result use to get a nervous laugh. Even when the other guy insults me then to ease up the tension I start to laugh then also. How to overcome this habit?
Hi Johnny. What have you tried so far?
I feel like Lenny. My face always looks like I am about to bust out laughing. A silly face even in serious situations. Others constantly notice. It’s like a red flag and I feel people staring constantly. I wake up in the morning dreading going out in public. The harder I try to physically stifle this look, the more it is obvious, because I am always aware of it. I feel so silly and vulnerable. I am definitely going to try your suggestion of changing the routine. If you have other suggestions or have heard of similar situations, please let me know. Thank You.
Hi Ric, no problem. What have you tried that hasn’t worked so far?
Thank You so much for your response! Because I constantly try to force my face to have a serious and relaxed look (especially my mouth), I actually feel like I am about to laugh. In other words, it has the reverse effect. The interesting thing is that when I am at home and not around people, or even at night when I am driving, so I know people cannot see me, I am not thinking about it, so everything is normal. I am totally relaxed. So I have numerous subliminal and self hypnosis downloads to try and help me relax and focus around people. Such as social phobia and confidence related audio and/visual tracks. I also take calming herbal products daily to try and help me relax and focus. That is all I know to do.
Hi Ric. Thanks for your response. Send me an email here and we can discuss it further.
This describes me so well. I’ve often wondered about it but until now couldn’t even find any information on it. Every day I come across people that bring out a huge grin ear to ear and I sometimes can’t control bursting out laughing. There seems to be no runner or reason as to who will elicit this from me. Some people must really think I’m a lunatic.
Recently I’ve been studying body language and I’ve begun trying to embrace the smile instead of suppressing it. Hey why not? A genuine smile is a key in attraction. I’m hoping that I will learn to control it this way, that over time the smile will become easier to control and won’t last quite so long.
That’s a great takeaway, Neil. I, too, have found replacing nervous laughter with a smile is much easier than eliminating the behavior altogether.
So I have started a new job. which consists of me having to deal with people all day and night. I find myself even as I type or read everyone else’s comments im standing here smiling. Its ridiculous! I laugh any time I’m nervous. Its so bad to the point where I don’t even want to go to my daughter’s doctor appointments anymore. I feel terrible, there she is getting her shots and the doctor is looking at me like I’m crazy because I’m laughing so hard. (I don’t want her to grow up thinking I’m laughing at her pain. My boss tells me I really need to work on this to gain access on certain things I need to accomplish while I’m at work. your routines seems nice but not something I could do in front of my guests without them realizing I’m trying to cover something. I saw on one of your replies you said to meditate. How would this be helpful for me? Maybe other suggestions or recommendations?
Hi Delilah, I would definitely recommend meditation. It’s done wonders for me. Read “Mindfulness” by Mark Williams. There are many exercises in there which will help. Let me know how you get on.
I have a very dear old friend who has the habit of saying “heh, heh, heh”, constantly during conversations. There is nothing funny going on. I think it may be a way to fill in a silence that does not need filling. It can get annoying, but how can I tell the person about this problem that I see? I could not bear to hurt his feelings. He may not even be aware of it. He has never commented on it, nor have I.
I think it would be a social hindrance.
Does anyone have any suggestions?
I think a more important question is are they aware of their nervous laughter and if so, do they want to change?
My fiance has started to smile for no reason during a conversation. This started happening a couple of weeks ago. This is now kind of a serious problem between us because I started to think he is lying to me or hiding something that makes him smile for no reason in the middle of any kind of conversation. He doesn’t want to talk to me feeling embarrassed and I don’t want to look at him while talking being afraid of seeing that weird smile and sometimes even laughed on his face. Can I be the problem? Is he feeling too anxious when he talk to me? Am I making feel guilty or nervous? Or is he really hiding something? He is a very anxious person and maybe has social anxious too but this is the first time this is happening and is only with me!! So frustrating! I need an advice in order to help him and to have a good relationship and communication as we always had. Thank you!
Hi Tanggie, send me a PM via my ‘Contact’ page and we can discuss is more.
i do have the habbit of simply laughing without any reason when im tensed…
example: when teachers ask me a question,while presenting seminar,when its my turn to say rosary etc etc…im realy hating this habbit.i wanna overcome this
Nervous laughter has been something I have dealt with since I was a very young child, and I am 27 now. I don’t like to think about having anxiety or social anxiety, as I believe it will make me think and act more anxious. I like to believe I am confident and strong at all times, and never pay attention to anxiety, but there are times it creeps up on me. I have sought therapy for it for many years, and thought I had it under control, but again it creeps up on me when I least expect it. I am a graduate student and I attend classes, and it is most noticeable to me in class.
The classroom and students are usually so quiet before and during class, besides the teacher lecturing, and if someone says or does something I find sort of funny, I find myself unable to control the tendency to laugh at inappropriate times, and sometimes make a weird “Yeep” sound or even a squeak of an obviously uncontrollable nervous tendency. It is SO embarrassing and I try to brush it off, but inside I am seriously melting from embarrassment. Why can’t I be like everyone else? I try to pinch myself and focus on the pain and it helps me from bursting out inappropriately. Any type of formal social situation this happens, meetings, etc. I know its because of the social anxiety, and I tend to prefer working with small groups of people or independently. Any tips? Thanks
Hi Ellen. Drop me an email and I’ll send you a personalized response (see Contact page).
Hi, I like you article….I have also this nervous laughter problem since I was in school. I always bullied in school because of my gender disorder; having a slight girly talking nature although I am a straight guy. I have tried a lot to control the reason of bullying and get rid-off, but couldn’t succeed to control it as its natural and people will note it easily. When someone teased me, I will not respond them instead I confusingly laugh on that situation as a replacement of my response. Due to this problem, I trapped in social phobia so, I normally avoided going in public which will holding me back in everyday life. After completing bachelor studies, I have worked for 6 years in different companies but I couldn’t get success due to this nervous laughter as well as gender disorder problem.
I left my work and move to foreign country, now I am currently a Master Degree student. But this problem will continuously stick & hold me back; it was really embarrassing for me and annoying for those whom I talk too. People don’t take me serious and sometime call me mad and dumb. Now, at the age of 32, I am still single and alone. Please guide. Thanks; from desperate person
Drop me an email (see Contact page).
Firstly… I’m turning 21 at the end of the year and I know it’s August now and I’m commenting belatedly (don’t shoot me) but I’ve just recently become aware of my nervous laughter.
Recently my partner suggested that I see a psychiatrist and telling my parents (yep I still live with them, unfortunately) that I might have a Bipolar Disorder is quite stressful since they’re religious and would tell me to pray to God.
The problem is that whenever I try, before uttering a single word… it’s involuntary, even though I tell myself to stop like a mantra, I just laugh uncontrollably. It just doesn’t help. Maybe I’m afraid of being dismissed or maybe I’m just weird?
(This has been happening since childhood)
To be honest I don’t even know what the point of this comment is? I think I just need to be told that I’m totally fine.
I will take your advice and I hope it gets easier.
Thank You Sam, have a great August!
You’re welcome. Let me know how you get on.
I was completely unaware of how bad my nervous laughter is until I joined my college course, which happens to be understanding mental health. Unfortunately for me my tutor, who is also a councillor, has picked up on it. I am a very anxious person especially in social situations, so even when talking about serious stuff infront of the class I will giggle after everything I say which makes me feel even more uncomfortable now that I’m aware. I have noticed I’ve started biting the inside of my cheeks when trying to stop myself. I guess I’m trying to find a way that makes me feel more comfortable in social situations and also to put a stop to this nervous laughter. I gave the breathing through my nose a go and I seem to forget and carry on with the laughter. Being around people I’m not sure clicking is the best option for me. Any ideas for someone as awkward as myself?
Thank you for posting this. It really gave me an idea what i am behaving right now.
There was a time when my previoud manager commented on my behavior. He specifically mentioned that i giggled alot. Inside me i know that i am just a happy person. And if i will not smile or giggle i feel like i am mad or too serious. But then again, when transferred to another department. My new manager mentioned that to me. That i need to stop giggling in every word that i say. So i started to think that there’s something wrong with me.
So i always listen to myself whenever i am having a conversation with my colleague. I really do giggle, but because i am happy.
But what i found out, i also giggle when i am nervous and if someone asks me a question but i am shy to answer or tell the truth. I was just hoping that i will be able to get rid of this habit sooner.
I used to laugh without my notice. I used to talk to myself. My friends would tease me. I am worried about it. So please send me some advice and suggestions to overcome this problem.