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The Book In Three Sentences
- “Wives are made to love, want to love, and expect love. Husbands are made to be respected, want respect, and expect respect”.
- “When a husband feels disrespected, it is especially hard to love his wife. When a wife feels unloved, it is especially hard to respect her husband”.
- “Often, we focus on our own needs and simply overlook the needs of the other person”.
The Five Big Ideas
- “No husband feels affection toward a wife who appears to have contempt for who he is as a human being. The key to creating fond feelings of love in a husband toward his wife is through showing him unconditional respect”.
- “Craziness happens when we keep doing the same things over and over with the same ill effect”.
- “The way to fully love a husband is to respect him in ways that are meaningful to him”.
- “We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate”.
- “Love your wife. Always try to see what is in her deepest heart”.
Love and Respect Summary
- “Yes, love is vital, especially for the wife, but what we have missed is the husband’s need for respect”.
- “No husband feels fond feelings of affection and love in his heart when he believes his wife has contempt for who he is as a human being”.
- “Wives are made to love, want to love, and expect love”.
- “Husbands are made to be respected, want respect, and expect respect”.
- “As I wrestled with the problem, I finally saw a connection: without love from him, she reacts without respect; without respect from her, he reacts without love”.
- “When a husband feels disrespected, it is especially hard to love his wife. When a wife feels unloved, it is especially hard to respect her husband”.
- “When a husband feels disrespected, he has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel unloving to his wife. (Perhaps the command to love was given to him precisely for this reason!) When a wife feels unloved, she has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel disrespectful to her husband. (Perhaps the command to respect was given to her precisely for this reason!)”
- “No husband feels affection toward a wife who appears to have contempt for who he is as a human being. The key to creating fond feelings of love in a husband toward his wife is through showing him unconditional respect”.
- “Craziness happens when we keep doing the same things over and over with the same ill effect”.
- “What I say is not what you hear, and what you think you heard is not what I meant at all.
- Often, we focus on our own needs and simply overlook the needs of the other person”.
- “Let me emphasize to wives that when men hear negative criticism, it doesn’t take them long to start interpreting that as contempt for who they are as men”.
- “The way to fully love a husband is to respect him in ways that are meaningful to him”.
- “When he honors her as first in importance and she respects him as first among equals, their marriage works”.
- “The typical wife also fails to realize that her self-image often rests on what she believes her husband thinks of her”.
- “While many wives do not intend to be disrespectful, they appear that way to their husbands, and their husbands take refuge in stonewalling them”.
- “Right or wrong, men interpret their world through the respect grid, and a wife’s softened tone and facial expressions can do more for her marriage than she can imagine”.
- “Whether it’s a husband or a wife who ‘doesn’t get it’, the answer is the same: we often don’t see the obvious”.
- “We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate”.
- “Love your wife. Always try to see what is in her deepest heart”.
- “No matter how desperate or hopeless a marriage may seem, if husband and wife both have basic goodwill in their hearts, they can stop the Crazy Cycle”.
- “Forgiving is the direct opposite of judging. Nothing is easier than judging, nothing is harder than forgiving, and nothing can reap more blessings”.
- “Women confront to connect. The typical response from a man, however, is that he thinks his wife is confronting to control”.
- “The truth is, it is easier for many a man to die for honor than to move toward a contemptuous wife in a loving way, saying, ‘I believe I was wrong. Can we talk about this?’ To turn to your wife in the middle of a conflict and say, ‘I am sorry. Will you forgive me?’ takes guts”.
- “A great marriage happens when the tension is dealt with creatively—or when tension is avoided completely by doing a few positive, loving things”.
- “Remember: be affectionate and attentive every day, not just on days you want sex. Affection should be an end, not a means”.
- “Every husband must make a decision about his wife’s sensitivity and needs. He can close himself off and refuse to be open, or he can move toward her and connect with her at new levels of openness”.
- “As a husband, if you can grasp that you don’t always have to solve your wife’s problems, you will take a giant step toward showing her empathy and understanding”.
- “Don’t refuse to make peace by running from conflict with your spouse”.
- “When she asks, ‘Do you love me?’ she’s not asking for information; she’s asking for reassurance”.
- “A wife must have reassurance”.
- “Do everything you can to let your wife know you are committed to her for as long as you both shall live”.
- “The male feels a deep need to be involved in adventure and conquest. This is not an option for him; it is a deep-seated trait”.